MUSABLE.ME

I think it was the rock guy.

Found my headphones! I just put them somewhere stupid. That makes me happy.

It actually makes a big difference to have tunes. Used to be my car.

Still not my wallet. Aughhh. I feel like every time I’m wrong it invalidates everything else. Talked with Jill 2 about that.

You seriously need to meet her.

I write these throughout the day. So they are kind of disjointed I’m only about half as crazy. Or twice as. Not sure…

I got nothing done today. Slept a lot. Going to try to at least get all the docs downloaded I need.

What a waste. Lots going on,  just burnt. Should probably allow myself it. Not always good at that.

The back and ribs are close to 100 percent. Lungs are at about 80.

So that’s nice. That hurt like a bitch for a long time. Must have been bruised ribs. Should maybey have gone in, but there’s not much they can do for that.

Some muscle relaxers might have helped at least.

Wish I could hear your snores tonight. I like yours more than the guy in jail.

Ltsooy. And I know, ditto.

I might have to start writing dirty stories on here.

Cant help myself…

She’s standing in front of the countertop. Wearing one of his shirts black underwear and nothing else. Reading something on her phone. Elbows on tbe countertop.

They just got up. It’s early. He’s about to make breakfast.

He walks up, gets a look at her.

Steps up and holds her from behind tight. One arm at her waist. One across her chest. Pulling her into him. His mouth to her ear telling her how fucking hot she is. She feels his warm breath on her neck.

It makes her to tingle all over.

They push on one another starting to lose control.

He finally turns her around. Picks her up and puts her on the countertop. Her looking at him knowing what is coming. (Had to). Says his name.

He moves up her leg with his hand and his mouth. Moving his hands over the back of her knees where he knows will make her move.  Exploring every inch. 

He knows he can make her move and moan with the right touch. watches as she does.

Slowly.

He always makes her wait when he can wait. It’s never long that he can.

He moves his hands up to take off what is keeping hi………

I’m an asshole. Love you.

Prologue:  ya, like 5 times damn girl. 

Time for breakfast.

Too late edit: goodnight. Sleep well love.

Hi.

I am tired. Was up at 2 am writing that motion to get them out of my house.

Had the cops by my apartment today. Didn’t want to deal with it. Probably a follow up. I’ve had enough police in my life of late. Little bit of trama there also.

I am so worried about you. I’m glad you are making moves. I will help in any way I can. I might have a little experience with this. I had to learn a shit ton to deal with it.

Get an advocate. I had one for a while. They can help navigate the system. Give you the procedural things you need to go through. It’s going to suck, and be frustrating. I’ll help where I can.

Get your notes together. I can give you an ai situation to help you organize them. Have one trained on my situation. Not too far off. Can update it. Seriously helpful

I so need a nap before I have to file with the probate court today. So much legal fun. Trying to head Andreas family off at the pass. They could possibly have some stake in the estate.

Since they think I killed her, probably best to be safe. Fuck me. It’s worth the time. Rather be moving forward in life.

More latter… I feel like I have to constantly be on, which is kind of true. Cannot wait for all this to be over.

Stick with me lady. Love you.

Edit. Seriously why do people keep giving me weed? I can’t smoke all of it. My neighbor Mike came by. Hands me a dangerous looking bud.

Had some good advice also.

Nap fail. Might need to try again.

Edit: I have tne best/worst mugshot. Eyes closed, scrunched face. It’s awesome.

They have this 

thing now I told them was the dystopia box. Might as well have some fun as you are getting booked.

The thing was seriously creepy. You go in to this enclosure almost kike a photo booth. Lites on you.

Someone starts talking to you though a shitty speaker and giving you directions. It was wierd.

I don’t think I want to visit again.

.1 out of 5 stars. There was the one co that actually got me out of there because they screwed up. Could have been out earlier. Some other person came with them when they called my name Earlier.

Couldn’t sleep so I filed that motion to get them out of my house. If they can’t talk to me, they can’t be there.

Should happen soon. The cop told me to do that. I kinda want to hang with that guy.

And really, the assholes had me arrested.

I don’t know what they may take.

My therapists biggest advice was to sleep. I’m doing a shit job.

Seriously. No end.

Actually the police have been great about the situation. Just a mix up.

Has to start a new post. App is being weird.

The po po’s rolled up to the house and still think thee is an ofp

Called back the medical examiners, they said the mpd knows. The detective told them also.

911 said they said there was an active ofp in the notes from tne call. Idiots.

I want them out and I want to go home. 2 days of calls…

I don’t trust them now.

My life….

Hope my jillian is ok. I hate not knowing.

Even better. I can’t go home still. Have to have them evicted tomorrow. I’m to spun to explain it.

Just talked with an officer he gave me all the info. They know Andrea passed…

Waiting to get served restraining orders from Andreas family I had no clue existed.

What in the ever living fuck!?

Going back to the apartment.

Edit.

The officer talked to staj. They want to stay there for a couple weeks. No. I offered them time, they never responded. 

I deal tomorrow with what to do. 

Edit 2: I had the cop call me asking for pictures of the paperwork. He must have made some mistake.  I hooked him up. Life has become a comedy.

He really was helping. He knew what was up. Laughing on that one.

Edit 2: still texting with the cop at almost 10. He’s a good guy. They really do know what’s going on now I think.

They have access to all of my filings and reports. I filed complaints with them also. They saw it.

A homicide investigator, whom knew of the allegations, helped me. They talked with the medical examiner.

I just don’t know what to say. It’s so surreal.

Can you check me on this? I’m fried. I like to have council to make sure I’m doing the right thing sometimes. Hard when you are in the middle of it.

Love you dearly. You are my Jillian.

It’s going to be an early bedtime for me. Sleep well love. Wish you were here.

I can play my Jillian songs again.

Edit something: slept for a while. I am needing me some food. It’s only 12.20. making another burger, been craving them lately.

Haven’t been getting a lot of protein. Trying to listen my body more and eat better. Not that a burger is great. Been a little better about having food in the apartment.

This place feels so temporary. I haven’t really moved in yet. Normally takes me 6 months. Here it’s never.  I don’t like it here still.

I told them I’d be out within two weeks so they can show it for next month.

They really have been not only understanding, but supportive here. Good place to land fkr a while.

Dopy Adam now.

I want you in my crook. Snoring away. I’d be asleep still likley. Even over the phone I felt a peace by you being there. If I woke up, I’d take your snoring ass with me outside to smoke and then go back to bed with with you.

I miss you. I’m never going to not until I don’t have to. The world be damned, I want my Jillian. 

It’s kind of a silly world anyway. Duckbill platypus?

I just realized I’m wearing the sex world shirt, the blue(tired can’t think of the word) shirt and have my arm bling on.

Didn’t know if I should wear it for a while. Put it back on, thought I may need it.

I love the sex world shirt. It’s up there with my shirt that says “stupid”. Although I got more comments on that one.

I’m bored. Waiting on the cops. I’m sure they don’t want to deal with this. Sitting at the bar drinking coffee…. And a beer. Just waiting. Lots of waiting these days.

I want to know what’s going on with you. You kind of told me a little. I hope you can find a way. You can comment here. I would imagine it’s safe.

I’m glad you have that phone. Call anytime you need me. Please don’t hesitate if you feel the need trust your gut.

I don’t think he is getting as much info as he says. He had help. No doubt now.

I’ve still got your address if i need it.

Maybe all this will be good in the end. Certainly shook things up.

I love the absolute shit out of you. It is a big love story. However it ends.

That bench where you told me that is a few blocks away. It’s not too cold here and I can’t drink considering the situation. Might go to the park.

---

Mmm

Update. Stupid mpd. They were told by the medical examiner and that detective that Andra was gone. Still pulled up to the house and noted there is an ofp in in place.

Your with me aren’t you?

I can actually take care of everything soon.

Bring like 20 lighters, keep losing mine.

Not 10 years of that shit I hope. Just let me know. I haven’t heard a no, I’ve been looking for it. It’s hard, as said, with the fucked up communication barriers. 

I can’t get over how controlling all that is. I try not to talk shit about him. But fuck him.

How about this… Cage match. Girls love it when boys fight over them right? We can go all mad Max.

Anyways…

I need my Jillian. I think she needs me. I think of you all the time. And I worry about you. I want to make you smile and laugh. I want to see my smile. (And titties).

I want you closer. Doesn’t matter where.

I want to be able to talk to you about dumb shit not all this. Nerdy shit and being assholes to each other. Or not talk at all.I want to see your face.

We can have that. You have to find the right time and make sure Viv are ok. I’m well aware of that. It’s not getting too much better it sound like.

Love the shit out of you. Your not getting away. .

Boombox.gif

Ok have to…

Instead of sexual tension Jenga I want to play sexual favor Jenga. Makes it a more challenging game. Wouldn’t have gotten nearly that far at the Cardinal.

Think about it…

Was craving the shit out of just a burger tonight. Made a big bastard on brocohe with cheese, nothing fancy. Totally hit the spot

Edit:

And the Adam is pathetic moment award goes to…

When I was in jail i couldn’t sleep more than about half an hour at a time. It sucks there.

There was someone there that had a Jillian snore. Felt weird, but I went with it. Was actually calming. Helped me sleep.

You know, for a group of 20 men in an enclosed room, it wasn’t as gross as I thought it would be.

There was not one person that tried to sneak in a snuggle the snake session(mine). Very few farts.

Expected worse.

Can’t sleep yet. 2:30. So I’ll meander.

I had a the whole thing about people s******* in jail I think I’ll spare you. For now …

It was funny. Would have to read the room on that.

Back to bed .

Hope you are sleeping well.

You do get a steam of consciousness thing at times. I don’t think I don’t make some sneak edits.

Trying to get documentation now to make sure the coppers know I can be at the house.

Slept for like 12 hours. It was glorious. Didn’t get up untill 11:30.

Getting a few things done. I think I’m going to sell the house. Fucker is too expensive I don’t think I can refi. I’ll meet with realtor after I get back in.

Tess is working on it. So it should be a lot less work  for me.

Told them I’m moving out of here. They have been amazing here.

Going to get me a coffee and a donut.

How did you sleep?

I should write here more. Sorry. I keep forgetting thet you are worried about that account.

It doesn’t occur to me sometimes. I’m burnt.

It was good to talk to Tess. She was actually scared at first. Took a white to calm her down and let her know nothing bad was happening. Like really freaked out. I had to just keep repeating it’s ok.

She’s overwhelmed and I was there with the cops.

I was really happy to get her to interact about things, like what she wanted. I always liked Tess. we have had some great conversations.

She’s led quite the life.

I really hoped I made her feel more comfortable.I need someone from the family to be telling me about what they want to do with Andrea also. I want them involved. Has to be Tess. I won’t deal with staj

Andreas paranoia got into Tess.

Rode there with the cops. I did not like being in that back seat after last weekend. They were great about it though. I have to give the mpd credit for all of the times I’ve dealt with them and the issues at the house. Always been amazing and helpful.

I was amused I had to tell them I was taking the ride the opposite way this time. Wanted to be upfront. Still can’t believe that.

Adam, the big criminal, jail brawler and murderer. I’m so taken aback by all that. I did learn how to crime better there… I’ll stick to flowers.

Dudes where going off for hours about what they did and how to get away with it. It was so weird. It was just a way of life for some.

It was a learning experience as much as it was hell.

It’s new string day. Yaaa. Been a while. Too exhausted to play much.

It was a good day. I’m glad I went to the house. I think showing I’m not the devil may help. I’m trying with this, everyone is hurting.

Looking forward to being back in my neighborhood. Hit up jakinoes for one after going home and ran into a friend. I miss having a place to go.

Louise Belcher was working tonight. You need to meet her. It’s uncanny. She’s good shit.

I’m meandering again. I just like talking to you. It may be nonsense at times.

Your Jillian!

Mostly recovered from the pneumonia. Still a little off, don’t notice ot as much. Back is better also. That sucked.

Lots to do tomorrow. Again a bunch of administrative stuff. Kind of over that.

Sleep well darling. Tell me how you are soon. Miss your face and that smile. 

Lu.

Jillian! Hi 

Yacked with my friend Rachel for a while. Needed that. 

We have a storied history. From a long time ago. May have told you about her.  Just friends, one of those you have to be careful with, still so wants this.

 We have always looked out for each other. 

She is, as always going through the shit. Rachel is Rachel.  Had a good commiseration. 

Needed someone to talk to. I’m reaching out more.  

Wish I could talk to you… 

Little time I can have money for a new life.  Or just for you..

It’s a nice container home idea…

Tell me to shut the f****** anytime…

Hope you’re sleeping well tonight. I think I will too. Good night. Say hi to Matt Damon. 

Lu…

Get in touch when you can. Iil tell you about the rest of my weekend. It was something.

So Andreas body is shutting down. I dont think she will make it. Those assholes wont tell me where she is. They are going to let her die alone for all I know

Fuckers.

I am pissed off.

Here’s tne thng that feels awful to talk about. I have everything from the marriage if that happens. I think it unlikely it won’t..

Anything you need. I’ll figure it out. A house, I can sell it and have a ton of money. I got you.

Say the word. About a quarter mil..

Sounds shitty but this has been on my radar for a while. I’m not surprised.

Talk at me. I want my Jillian happy. I can do whatever I want, would like to be hanging out with you but that’s up to you. Or maybe you just want to stay there  I don’t know.

I don’t expect you to be with me. Just safe.

I’m still going to try to get me some of that of course.

Ill let you know, l.et me know. I really do have you..

You are always my jillian.

Come home. Or I go where you are.

I can do whatever I want go go wherever I want.. don’t need to stay here.

I know you said you were committed I don’t know if you said that because you were worried you were monitored.

Either way we’d have fun

Let  me know if I’m barking up the wrong tree. I just kind of like you.

No one will threaten to evict you or kick you out.