MUSABLE.ME

All done with the ugly stuff.

Got a little stoned, and am again very talkative.

Going to do Adam stuff for the evening. I have  that meeting tomorrow. I’m really interested in how that goes.

Going to have to put on the charm, we had a rocky start so far. I have never had that happen before. Granted I was sick and in the hospital for all of it.

Could be lucrative.

I want to get back to work. Still good for a while with money. I just want to make things again.

Still keeping up with things and learning. And I can totally use the charity I started with old voldy as an excuse for my employment gap. I did help start it and run it.  Juuuist not as long as they may think. They can call me for employment verification.

  It actually works really well in an interview. I can speak to the problem well. Did I tell you I did a sit down on camera interview with wcco a few years back. I have a recording of it somewhere.

They wanted to talk to Andrea, who was drunk as shit and ran off in her truck when they showed up.

So I did it. It was early on so I did not know as much as I do now.

Little awkward at times.

Had a good conversation with the reporter, he worked with outreach also, a big org out of Chicago. Needed Andrea for an interview, never was able to get it. I was working on building a relationship with him he showed signs of wanting to throw money our way.

I could have made that something. Only started to get going on media, it was working and then I  got pushed out. Was a really good story to be able to tell.

I’ll give this to Andrea, the way we did it was unique and more helpful than pretty much anything out there. I miss doing that. We actually effected change. I still have people recognize me on occasion.

Went out and had dinner at barbette’s tonight. Haven’t done that in a while. I really like that place. Very classic French, bit not too French. Should that make sense.

I think I might work on that website and app some.  At least poke them and see if they move. Still making progress.

I have the concept finnaly for my audio documentary and a recording. So ok, 3 projects not 2

I’m thinking more like this American life now. Just more of a central theme. Now it’s just called HEAR. ME.

Instead of SEE. ME. HEAR ME.

Audio only, kind of made sense.

My life narration for the last few days here apparently. Feel free to skim… I  tell you at the end…

Hope all is well.

My brain is still processing everything.

I just miss you.

I always will. Seriously, no one has ever understood me like you.

It’ll take me some time. I’ll get there. I tend to hold on to people for a long time.

It’s weird with you pulling back. Something is missing, right from when you started I felt my world change. You were part of me. The other puzzle piece.

I’m having a hard time with you being with someone like that though. I want you happy and safe. I’m worried you aren’t and won’t be.

We can be friends. I want that. I think we both need each other now. And I do think we are stuck together as I said earlier. I’m ok with that. I like my Jillian as much as I love her.q we Pop

Lu. You nerdy asshole.😜

I saw Marta this morning. She’s back home.

Best I could tell, as she doesn’t speak much English, they got her to a shelter for the night and she has an ofp.

She seemed really happy. So good to see. That was the guy that I saw on the bench saying his wife didn’t let him drink and had one with him.

That image of her her husband running off as I walked up will be burned in my mind. It was funny as shit in hindsight.

Got a big hug.

I’m enjoying writing all this. I hope it means something to you. I like telling you about my day and musing.

I lead an interesting life. I am ready for that to be over. Getting close.

This recovery is slower than I thought it would be. Went to go grocery shopping and nope… Got enough for now. Still winded easy. 

My dumb ass drinking too much last night didn’t help. Still worth it.

Interested to talk to that video guy. I’ll text in a few days. Have that meeting on the books for Monday at noon also.

I am trying to hold on to this real estate client. He’s bugged out. I forgot where I was contacting him from at first so he got me from a few numbers. 

Now I’m having banking issues. Wells Fargo keeps saying I don’t have the right contact info. I’ve tried calling them, went in to a branch and no luck. They can’t figure it out.

He was worried I’m trying to scam him.

I think I saved it. He’s a good guy, and I don’t blame him for worrying, I would.

Seriously. Was I Hitler in a past life or something.

Your going to have a novel here soon. I’ve been quite loquacious of late. It makes me feel connected.

Adam needs a nap. last night Adam was an asshole.. At least he left me a few smokes. I’m going to make him pay some day.

Lu…

I think I sent you this. I forget I send a lot. If so, here it is again maybe. This is the first song I wrote in 3 decades, I believe. It’s not as mean as it sounds. It’s a take off a Loui CK bit. Was an inside joke, wrote it for myself. Didn’t share it.

Dumb as hell, still, kind of like it.

After that it was the Jillian songs. I like those those much better. Still can’t play them. The muse giveth and taketh. 😜

Am I too old to be using Emojis?

I’ll deal and it will just be nice memory’s.  Thanks for them.

Long day. Got everything done and then some.

There are not as many good stories in the winter. I went to barbettes, had one beer.., The bartender didn’t charge me for some reason, Yaa?

Treated myself to a pair of nice earbuds. Had a really nice pair, one side died. So merry late Christmas to me! Been meaning to replace them.

Had a good therapy session today. That was an emotional dump. At one point she made some joke about me, and I called her an asshole, in jest of course. She’s good like that. I like her. She’ll fuck with me even when I’m diving into the shit.

Apparently, we need to dig into the childhood soon. weeee! Kinda makes sense now. My family sucks.

I am so tired I may actually sleep more than 2 or three hours at once.

Actually, I do have a story.

I was out smoking last week, and I hear A neighbor from the next building over crying, screaming and on with. 911, Marta. She was with her husband. I walked over there to make sure she is ok and he runs off, like almost comically books it and drives away. She doesn’t speak much English.

Was pretty obvious what was going on. I was able to communicate to her I would stay with her until the cops showed. She was ready, had 3 go bags in the basement hidden. Wanted to go to a shelter.

Made sure they had a place for her. Don’t know what happened after that. She’s a sweetheart, glad I could be there. Dude is like 5’3, so having me walk up probably helped.

Too many of these assholes.

Found a funny

Oh, actually kind of funny.
I was dealing with the bank and got a call from the county about services, It was a judge. Nothing too important has to do with benefits, shouldn’t have bothered. I don’t need it anymore.

My mind is elsewhere. he explains what’s up and I tell him I’m busy and I’d like him to call me back, didn’t register at first. He wasn’t down with that, got all judgey on me. I may have questioned that, mind elsewhere, didn’t know who I was talking to. Quite amusing now.

So, I said OK, you’re at the bank with me then. I was not in the mood for it, took me a few minutes to figure out what was going on. No one told me about it. At first, I thought it was a scam call or something, I don’t answer calls for the most part unless I know who it is. Most of it is garbage.

He picked the wrong time to call me. I explained it before the end of the call. Judges are not used to being talked to like that. We were good by the end. I smoothed it over.

Normally my one goal is to make the judge laugh, not piss them off.

 

I am still so sad. Just devastated.

We are stuck with each other in whatever form that may be now. Ya, me, I’m sorry. I’m a pain in the ass. I think you’ve met me.

Just really missing you tonight.

Made the mistake of playing one of your songs. Fucking meltdown.

Edit: I liked singing you songs. I tried with my pneumonia voice and my exhausted brain with a song I never played before. It kind of amuses me. I let the fuckups go. Can’t sing for shit now or think really.

Had a neighbor run up to the a few days ago. I say hi to her and her dog a lot in the morning. She hands me a new weed vape pen. She has a card, apparently there was a sale. Ok.

Cute dog.

(: Hi Friend 🙂

Doing more work on my site. Surprised how far I got. Just working on functionality now. But here’s the idea. I’ll redo the copy and change the design some. Add ads and affiliate links, not sure yet.

I think the adulting app might be next after I get this going. That’s a really good idea. I would so use that.

I think I’m starting to feel better, getting shit done. That time in the hospital may have actually been good, beyond just, you know, keeping me alive. It was a break. I was able to reset some, not worry about anything other than the issue I was there for.

Should be starting up with the gig work on Thursday.

I slept all damn day. 2 hours ago, was the first time I felt awake. Feeling so much better. That sick just seemed to come on slow. Never had it before.

Got to cranking on some ideas. Taking a pickup old projects night.

The Riff challenge site is close to minimum viable. Most of the functionality is there. I’m just going to launch that fucker and start posting some shit about it. Throw some ads and affiliate links on it. Fun project either way.

Should be Wednesday I can start getting to the gigging. I’ll have the money and my back should be fine by then. Damn, did I fuck it up.

I’m some way it was kind of nice to get out of here for a night and have people wait on me for a while. 1 and a half out of 5 stars. Except the grumpy nurse that I got in trouble from a few times. I liked her. 5 out of 5.

So, all that was fun.

Had been coughing and feeling off, but never thought of Pneumonia. Didn’t feel like too much before I passed out. Just some hypotension I thought.

I finally knew something was off and called an ambulance sometime early yesterday morning to get checked out. Everything looked fine. Was mostly concerned with my o2 saturation. It was well within range. So I didn’t go in.

Fun fact:

If you have good insurance and just need a quick emergent care visit, EMT’s are the shit, they don’t mind and can do a bunch of stuff. Even an EKG, they found an anomaly in my heart. Nothing at all to worry about, very common, but no one else caught it before. We had fun.

Well, 4 hours later and I cannot stop coughing, a dry nonstop cough., hurt like hell with my bruised muscles.

I was already in god awful pain from falling. Like nothing I have experienced before. So, Mr. hates to go to the docctor called another ambulance. and actually went in this time. Kinda impressed with myself.

When i got to the er my O2 was 87, not good. should be 97 to 100 Percent. Like really not good. Hence the passing out. It goes up and down.

Maren showed for a while at the hospital.

Got admitted, but was suck in this tiny er room for 11 hours while they got a room together. I cannot handle just sitting like that in a small space. Drove me insane.

Had a good nurse, she doped me up eventually so I could sleep. Good stuff.

Was better in the room.

And of course, my family had to interfere. I talked to a psyc there that said they contacted her. Made mention of a 72 hour hold, which she didn’t believe was necessary. I have asked them to stay out of things. An unnecessary hold could be a problem for my divorce.

Anyway. I’m feeling much better. Still tired and get tired walking too much like the old man I am, but it will pass.

Oh, and even better, I had Andrea at me and threatening me while i was there yesterday, she knew I had just gotten there. Tried to take the money to cover my rent we agreed on to deal with the insurance check. She tried to get me evicted. They wouldn’t let her, of course. WTF.

I have to ask management about that conversation. That has to be a funny story.

Hi.