Been on this. One filing down. I’m fighting this..
I have never in my life seen anything like this. It’s surreal.
Going to take a break and then deal with probate. Emailed some of this.
I am really pissed they left me to deal with the person they think I killed while trying to take my home.
I know what they are trying to pull off legally, I don’t know what they’re doing to my house and the things in it.
It’s not a good feeling.
When I was there there’s a bunch of s*** boxed up.
I was nice about it even after everything.
Lu
4:30
I am so mad right now. Jist pissed at everyone that allowed this to happen. I called it all at every point.
No one listened. She was dying with an air purifier next to her because she couldn’t clean the mold from the house. She had COPD. She was in pain probably having problems breathing. I couldn’t be in that house for long.
She was scared and alone. I told them she couldn’t live alone. I always knew. It was their responsibility. Not mine anymore. I told them what to do.
Don’t remember if I sent you the pictures of the house. It was so bad.
I want to tell all of them to fuck off. My family and hers. They bought into the delusion. It was my fault. I did a hard detox with her from home because she wouldn’t go in.
I wouldn’t do it again and she had a grand mal in my arms.
Fucking assholes. And I was wrong for being mad.
I don’t even know how to process this. Yeah she wasn’t my wife for a very long time. But I still cared for her and she was a human being. Everyone just left her to that. It had to have been unbearable for her.
I don’t know. I had to deal with moving her body today. It’s just hard.
And… I’ve ranted. Calming down. Big emotions. I’m just overwhelmed. So much to do and no help.
Going to get back to the probate filing. It’s almost done. Probably all I have in me today.
It really is a full time job to deal with all this.
Oh. And I forgot I may have two court dates coming up also from their ofps. They filed in Minnesota. I don’t know how they can hold them. I don’t even know if it matters.
The f***, seriously Hitler in a past life? I don’t recall doing any genocide in this life.
6pm
I have my probate filing done. Just need to to file it. Might get them out also.
Looks like they can’t technically make improvements to the house without my permission. So that’s something else I got going for me.
Seems like they’re just punting a lot of this. Actually knowing Spero he might just be bullying his lawyers do exactly he wants cuz he can throw money at it.
Slowly working through it. I’m legally in the right here. At least as far as this armchair lawyer can tell.
I am getting good at this though.
It’ll end eventually. I’m in the right legally. Lot of it is just procedural s*** that’s where the landmines are. You can have a judge agree with you 100%, but if there’s one procedural loophole you’re screwed.
I’m learning.
I wish you were here. I miss you deary.
Could use that Joey Ramone hair swished at me. You in your crook and your voice.
I’ll be okay, .I’ll get through this. Just a hell of a lot at once.
I love the shit out of you. I always worry about you not knowing much.
Reading between the lines I see yûou’re making moves. Good. Let me know what’s up between those lines.
I’m so proud of you. You stood up. I know you got this. The difference in you between when we first started talking…
You haven’t lost that sparkle again have you?
You’re my Jillian. We both got this.
Oy… I’ll try to come up with some dick Jokes or something latter. Been an intense day.
I’m where I wanted to be with what I need to do besides just filing online. Anything else is a bonus.
I’d rather be moving on with my life for a job or you know. This is a full-time job now. It’s worth it.
There about 270 thousand at stake.
Speaking of which I need to get a hold of your realtor friend. Let her know what’s up. She might have some advice too.
8:00
Done!
Filed with the probate court.
Got what I wanted done. That takes a long time to make sure you have everything correct. I am exhausted.
Might take the bar exam tomorrow.
Damn.
I want to know how you are. It’s that time again tonight.
I can slow down a little bit now. The most important filings are in I just need to see if they get looked at or if I made some stupid mistake.
Pretty sure I got it right. I’ll let you know tomorrow.
I can’t believe my family never reached out for any of that. My wife died, it’s pretty customary to give someone a call after that. I don’t know if they’re any better than the Stearns.
I guess I made the right choice there.
It’s just a day. Couple filings and dealing with Andreas body. I’m just worn down.
And seriously I’m pissed off that this is all on me. That’s just disgusting.
Might get out of here for a little bit.
Tomorrow will be better.
I’m sure you’ll hear from me here later tonight again. Probably in better spirits or with some spirits in me.
In case I fall asleep at a bar stool with my first half drink on front of me…
Ltsooy.
9pm
This cracks up my overtired brain.
I went to grab smokes. They deal with a lot of the unhoused there. It’s warmer here so they have had a lot more issues,
I made a joke about being a security guard. Did the whole crossed arms thing to show how good at it I could be.
They were all about it. Told me to talk to the manager. I might actually consider it. I don’t know that they can pay for shit. It would get me out of here and be pretty flexible. Kind of in the realm of what I want to do, working with the unhoused population that’s their biggest concern. I know a lot of them here. I’m actually considering it. Better than gigging.
Those guys just sell shit and smoke weed all day. Dude was very serial after I made the joke. Dead panned me. I know him, you actually met him.
I have gotten really good at deescalation and talking to people at their level. So far below my pay grade, but well, my ass hasn’t had a job in a while because I’ve been dealing with everything. Really starting to feel useless when I can be doing a lot of different things.
I took care of Andrea, and then dealt with Andrea, and then am dealing with her family. I want to do something. Maybe I can find a way to help with my arms crossed. Could get them some media attention also. Kind of my thing.
I’m still planning on that documentary when I am ready. Might not be a bad place to talk to people.
Granted, I should be getting paid a hell of a lot more than they could afford. Too much on my plate to get at that yet.
Maybe. Or he was just wishing they would have someone to help…. shit falls in my lap eventually. or I’m just exhausted and punchy. I do not remember the last time I was this tired sarted at 7:30 this morning. Went most of the day.
Good thing I became a fuck beast if I do. I really am amused by my life sometimes.
11pm
Hi darling. Just want to talk to you. Really was a challenging day. I did everything I needed to and more.
I really need sleep. I’ll probably crash good after today. These filings were weighing on my mind.
I’m thinking of the bigger picture with all this. It’s not just me still. I know that. It’s between the lines.
I don’t know what to say. Just know that I love you dearly and that we will find a way. You are the only one that ever really got me completely.
I haven’t talked to you about my intentions for a while. Just letters. I didn’t know if you really wanted me to for a while.
So here. Ms. Jillian! We will restart that.
I am madly in love with you even time didn’t keep us apart.
I want to marry your ass and spend the rest of my life with you. I know you and we will have an amazing life together. We understand each other. Two sides of the same coin. Two puzzle pieces.
We are getting that tattoo.
Anywhere you want, we could build a kick ass container home and grow weed. Already have a guy to help with that business. He’s in.
I could move arazona, if you want to stay or need to. I really don’t care. There is only one thing I care about.
I have never felt more loved and understood or felt I saw another person as I have you.
Your stuck with me. I wanted to tell you I loved you so many times when I didn’t feel I could or didn’t think you wanted me to.
You have made me a schmaltzy fuck.
I know it’s a fucked up time for us both.
It doesn’t matter we’ve been right all along. The moment we met. We will be ok.
It is a love story. I think I actually picked up on you not being sure about it when you said it now that I think back. Just didn’t register.
Love the shit out of you.
2am
Why I am still up I don’t know I’m going to bed now.
Do you find yourself talking an analogys when you’re stressed?
I find I do that. When I first started therapy I think I’m pretty much only talked in analogies for a while. The puzzle analogy came from that that was my first therapy session.
There’s a little more to that.
I really need to go to bed.
I’ve just found that they say more when it’s hard to explain in words sometimes.
Going to grab a beer with that realtor guy. I told him what was up. He deals with people in situations kind of like this and is interested.
Might be able to get some work out of him yet. Also might be a little awkward. I was going to give him the listing for the house. I’m going to go with Erin. She’s your friend.
Have the funeral home tomorrow at 11:00. Can’t get a message to Andreas family. Fuck em. Nothing I can do. I tried, someone needs to deal with it, it’s me alone I guess. I don’t get it.
I’ll make sure they get some of the ashes if they actually want them.
Good night love. I hope you are sleeping well.
Tomorrow will be a better day for me. Long day today. Wish you were in your crook. Snoring away I’d be asleep by now if you were.
I miss that snore. Tomorrow…
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